I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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