I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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