do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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