Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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