Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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