The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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