Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
