just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
