So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
