i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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