Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
