i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
