im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
