tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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