Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
