he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Someone came in the potted fern
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
