but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
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