Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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