You're completely useless in the revolution.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We just shotgunned beers for America
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He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
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Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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