im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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