dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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