Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
