She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I need to stop coming to work sober
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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