So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
