Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
