Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
