i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
