either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
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My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
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By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
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