Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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