my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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