evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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