remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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