I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
