Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
