You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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