you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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