he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
