She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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