i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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