: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
