if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
