you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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