we have pet lesbian snakes
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
