I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
