The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I got chris browned last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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