Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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