Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
