if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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