Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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