don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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