I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
