Your mouth is God's brothel.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just had sex on a roof
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