Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
