So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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