Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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