And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
