Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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