I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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