Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
