I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He felt like a one man threesome
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Randomize
